My life as me

I'm not a retarded. I just decided to pretend to be one circa 1997-1998.
It all started at age 14, I was a "very" anxious boy, but not depressed or thing: parents send me to complete primary studies at a Jesuit lyceum. I spoke just a few words in those five years, then I was forced to study medicine, it took me 16 years to get the degree. Now I have two specializations. I can't work, girlfriend called it quit while I was at the University. So many beautiful failures. Basketball, punk rock, I can't understand why everybody loves me: they say money is not important, but I live a nightmare: no money at all, at home with two parents with different kinds of dementia who hate me like I was a traitor, a bad traitor. And the schizophrenic brother who returned home three years ago - no space for him, so he occupied my little studio where I practiced Psychiatry.  I have no friends: I said "Goodbye to you" to each and anyone. Today I know how GREAT real priests (and nuns) are, sometimes I meet someone I knew, they smile, real smiles... they don't hate me: I love life.
I love things.
I love that I can see the beauty, and I can hear the music. I'm 48 now, my friends on twitter are more than enough for me, I praise the Lord each day He gave me those friends. On other networks, through blogs, the same: I met very important people. I look younger than I am, so when I exit from the apartment, in the bars, they call by name, everything is a surprise. I had to leave anything I loved. So many project gone wrong. I'm happy, I know what's important. I take too many medicines for the schizotypia I developed through the years (I don't think it's important mentioning the whole name!): it causes major depression, agoraphobia, panic attacks. This last symptom was born with me :) I remember when I was three or four and what I thought and the techniques I tried to use to prevent the attacks. Parents, school, I was just "timid" lol - so it's Italy.. at that age, sometimes it is possible to cure the disease - it's all about compartmental therapy, a bit of medicines at that start. Okay, there's one thing the I miss bad, my elders in the ward, they thought me everything, they died as heroes. But life goes on and things must change.
I can't live many more years (all my uncles but my father died because of heart disease before they were 40), those medicines do very strange things to your electrocardiogram, not to talk of the liver, the prostate gland, bah it's not important, it's fundamental to thank the Lord because I don't do analysis anymore or any prevention, what for? Plus I barely have the money for all those drugs for all those organs. And a lot of debts, so sooner or later something new will happen. Introduction is ended. I apologies I use the English I learned listening to my punk rock records, and then I had to write the lyrics for my band's song, I'm forgetting things. I mean not only English, I mean many things. I can read my books as the were new. I'm a lucky guy. I hope that if someone, I don't know when, will read this statement: I hope they (you) have a very good life.

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